Armatage Shanks
by Lady Lamia
Summary: Oneshot songfic to Armatage Shanks by Green Day, set during HBP. In a deserted bathroom, Draco Malfoy tries to decide what to do, and thinks about what has led him to his situation.


Disclaimer Harry Potter belongs to J K Rowling and the song Armatage Shanks belongs to Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day and Reprise Records. I am writing this for enjoyment only, and am making no money.

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Draco stumbled into the girl's bathroom, knowing that no-one would come into Moaning Myrtles haunt. He dropped his bag and slid down against the wall, ending up sitting next to his bag.

_Stranded…lost inside myself_

Draco hated it at Hogwarts this year. He had spent hours thinking about what he had to do. He had had no help – he was all alone. The other boys in his dorm kept well clear of him, and the very nature of his mission meant that he couldn't ask anyone for help.

_My own worst friend and my own closest enemy_

He hated himself even more than he hated Potter now. Even though he had never been the nicest of people he used to have at least **some** morals, but he had betrayed them all when he became a Death Eater.

_I'm branded…maladjusted_

Draco rubbed his sleeve, under which lay the Mark. It was still sore from when it had been burnt onto his skin. He was the only student in Hogwarts to be a Death Eater, though doubtlessly there were Death Eater sympathisers, and suddenly he didn't fit in any more.

_Never trusted anyone let alone myself_

It wasn't like he had had friends before – his father had taught him not to, in order to stop people from gaining any secrets Draco may be trying to hide. Draco couldn't even trust his thoughts as he wasn't an Occlumens.

_I must insist on being a pessimist_

Draco's life had got worse and worse since he had come to Hogwarts. First of all he managed to make a fool out of himself numerous times when trying to insult Potter, and now he was in a situation no-one would want to be in. Ever. And there was no way it was going to get better.

_I'm a loner in a catastrophic mind_

Even his 'old faithfuls', Crabbe and Goyle, had deserted him. Draco had gone from being the most popular boy in Slytherin to someone more unwelcome than a rat. Draco wished he could tell them why he had changed so drastically, but he couldn't. Or could he? But then he would be betraying the Dark Lord. But would that be such a bad thing? He would end up getting killed surely, but then his problems would be over.

_Elected the rejected_

Draco supposed his father must have been pretty stupid to have supported the Dark Lord in his early days. Even while his father was in school Dumbledore was a renowned wizard and he hated Tom Riddle, as You-Know-Who had been known then, and so it was almost a sure thing that Riddle would end up being hated by the wizarding world.

_I perfected the science of the idiot_

But Draco realised that he himself was the real idiot. Why did he try and be like his father so much, even though he knew it was wrong? He was such a hypocrite and he knew it, and hated it, but he couldn't change anything. Not now. Not ever. Not after he had idolised his father so much and copied him to the point of becoming a Death Eater. It was stupid, so stupid.

_No meaning and no healing_

Draco's life had no meaning any more. He had said that he lived to serve the Dark Lord, but truly he hated what he had been told to do, so even that wasn't true. But he couldn't turn back now. There was no way he could reverse what had happened and make everything better again.

_Self loathing freak and introverted deviate._

Draco hated himself for what he had become. So much for becoming a 'well rounded person'. Draco knew he had lost so much of himself. No longer was he able to laugh at Potter with Crabbe or Parkinson. He stayed to himself, and strayed from the normal path that everyone else in Hogwarts seemed to walk.

_I must insist on being a pessimist_

Everytime he thought about what he was doing, and what he had to do, Draco's life seemed be get a little bit worse.

_I'm a loner in a catastrophic mind_

Always alone, no matter how much he repeated himself. He didn't know what he thought any more.

_Stranded…lost inside myself_

It was while he was brooding that someone else came into the bathroom.

_My own worst friend and my own closest enemy_

"Oh, it's you again," whined Myrtle. "Can't anyone get any privacy in death?" And she locker herself in one of the stalls crying. In his mixed-up state, Draco hated her too. Couldn't she see that he was the one who needed time alone?

_Elected the rejected_

Draco suddenly decided something. He may not have chosen to support the Dark Lord, but he** was** one of his supporters.

_I perfected the science of the idiot_

The only idiotic thing he had done recently was to doubt himself. A Malfoy does not have self doubt. He is always sure of his actions, whether they are right or wrong.

_I must insist on being a pessimist_

The was no way things could get any better.

_I'm a loner in a catastrophic mind_

He had managed to sort out his thoughts and realised that the only way to go on would be to kill himself.

_I'm getting pissed_

But Draco was a Slytherin, and did not have that stupid Gryffindor courage. He would need a drink to be able to go all the way. He dug a flask out of his bag and chugged down some firewhiskey. It burned his throat, but he was glad for it. An hour later and he was in exactly the same position, though his mental state was considerably worse and the flask was considerably more empty.

_I'm a worthless pessimist_

Yes, he thought. I'm completely worthless. Once I have fulfilled my duties I will be cast aside like the nobody I am.

_I'm a loner in a claustrophobic mind_

Before Draco could fiddle around with getting the pen knife from his bag in his dazed state, he felt himself drifting off. It wasn't sleep though, it was unconciousness. His brain was closing in on him and parts were shutting down. He would wake up with a headache, but he would at least wake up.

_Fin_


End file.
